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Written By Tracy E. Gilchrist and Dylan Vox
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Category: | Entertainment |
OMFG! Between burgeoning gay bitches—and by bitches, I mean boys—on Gossip Girl and the hot—ruined by the rip-your-heart-out storyline—hunky soldiers’ kiss on Grey’s Anatomy, who needs to pay to get the gay on TV anymore?
A little show about privileged Upper East Side pubescent gossipmongers, Gossip Girl, got a little bit gayer when one of its regular characters admitted to snogging a prissy preppy dude.
Gasp.
Little Eric van der Woodsen—if that name isn’t a harbinger of impending gaydom—played by Connor Paolo, came out as a big ole homo on this week’s episode.
Like any savvy social climber should, Taylor Momsen’s Jenny Humphrey snagged herself a big girls’ blouse of a gay boy, Asher—played by former Spring Awakening understudy Jesse Swensen—to act as her prospective beard and vice versa.
Armed with her upper crust closeted gay boyfriend, Jenny, on the day she supposedly loses her honor to the Lacoste-sporting, Italian-shoe-wearing suitor, tosses a soiree to illustrate just how her Brooklyn-born trashy ass climbed out of the east river.
But leave it to the gay boy to steal the spotlight on Jenny’s big night. When Jenny’s nemesis, the Blackberry wielding Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester), turns up with the goods on Asher, pocket gay Eric rounds the corner and outs himself to the crowd. Staring down Asher, he utters the truly fabulous line to anyone within earshot: “I’m gay. And so are you!”
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Staring down Asher, he utters the truly fabulous line to anyone within earshot: “I’m gay. And so are you!”
While the gay ladies have been distracted and hanging on to every sideways glance, hushed verbal exchange and couch-bound shared bottle of wine between Sara Ramirez’s Callie and Brooke Smith’s Erica, Grey’s Anatomy’s producers slipped in a smoldering kiss between a pair of hot-assed soldiers.
Too bad that "between-us-boys" kiss didn’t go down between Ryan Philippe and Channing Tatum in the big-screen Stop-Loss, but still... Friday Night Lights’ Benny Ciaramello and MTV Road Rules alum David Giuntoli made for some pretty steamy prime-time.
That is, until the heartrending, tear-jerking storyline took over and ruined the sheer boy on boy delight. Ciaramello played an injured soldier and Giuntoli his camouflage-clad soldier boy, while Ellen Pompeo’s Dr. Merideth Grey, at turns, doctored, meddled and gawked her way through the episode that introduced parental disapproval, gay partners’ hospital rights and “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” That’s a whole lot of social responsibility for one episode.
 The beautiful train wreck that promises to be the 90210-redux is the gift that keeps on giving. First, Jennie Garth vowed to return to play reformed junkie slut Kelly Taylor and now, the one and only Tori Spelling is rumored to be reprising her role as the much-maligned Donna Martin. Oh please let it be true that the pure and chaste Donna will be back as a Vicodin-addicted housewife banging her obnoxiously new-agey life coach.
But the fun doesn’t end there.
That hot cougar who played one of the small-screen’s greatest drunks this side of Patsy and Eddie, Arrested Development’s Jessica Walter, is slated to play the booze-soaked has-been Hollywood starlet and the show’s central characters’ Annie and Dixon Mills’ granny, Tabitha Mills.
But wait, there’s more.
Lori Loughlin, the perennial hot-ass who played John Stamos’ Uncle Jesse’s piece-o-tail on Full House, has signed on to play the pretentiously named central characters’ Annie and Dixon’s mother.
Gearing up for its wad-blowing season finale, Desperate Housewives sent blonde babe Nicolette Sheridan’s character Edie off packing—and by packing, I mean her bags—into the sunset in her convertible.
Sheridan and her publicist remain mum about Edie’s future. So there’s no telling yet if she pulled a Thelma and Louise style cruise into the canyon… but the show’s producer, Marc Cherry, admitted Edie is indeed gone for now and “won’t be back for a few years.” That is until, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, Eva Longoria and Felicity Huffman have worked out any lingering Botox issues.
Uggg. The agony of season’s end cliffhangers!
And now to Dylan for a dose of reality.
Drama was king this week in reality television.
First up, on the ridiculously silly Viva Hollywood, the remaining eight sexy Latinas and Latinos were given the Telenovela deadly sin of “drama” and were split up into couples to improvise scenes for a fake talk show.
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After refusing to “play gay” last week, bad boy Vinci was on the top of everyone’s shit list and continued to stir the pot within the house after an argument with Silvia and Berto.
The couples went to a hypnotherapist in order to get in touch with their inner emotions, and cutie gay boy Enrique seemed like a shoe in for the win after he broke down in tears upon reliving a past life. When the challenge came, however, his lackluster performance landed him in the duel, and the house, of course, picked Vinci as his competitor.
Although both men performed for their lives, hottie host Carlos Ponce was still bothered by the fact that Vinci was not willing to act like a gay character, and in the end, Enrique came up with the win.
Score one for the good gays.
While on the stage the epically boring season seven of American Idol is still predictably eliminating contestants, it was the off stage antics that this week provided some much needed drama.
David Archuleta, who is destined to become the next Clay Aiken, has lost a little bit of his boyish charm over the past few weeks and seems more like a robotic android when he comes out to sing.
This week, some of his performance blunders may have been explained when it was reported that his meddling father had been banned from backstage and rehearsals. Apparently Jeff, who has been overly involved with David’s career and was prohibited from helping him when he appeared on Star Search, decided that his son should change the lyrics to the song “Stand By Me”, causing the show to pay a fine.
The overbearing behavior could cost his son the contest despite David’s extraordinary talent. Oh yeah, dreadlocked Jason Castro was finally eliminated, but who really cares anymore.
On Survivor, the last remaining boy became the dumbest castaway to ever play the game when he passed up his immunity necklace in order to secure a vote against comatose Amanda. Early in the show, the four remaining women decided to ban together in order to eliminate Eric, but a physically demanding immunity challenge gave him the advantage.
The women’s plan seemed to be foiled, until, that is, brilliant mastermind Cerie came up with the most ridiculous plot ever to convince Eric into giving Natalie the necklace to save her from the vote. Natalie even said she felt like a moron talking about the hair brained scheme because it was so obviously not going to work, but with a touch Ceire magic, Eric folded like a deck of cards and became the fourth blindsided contestant to leave the game. The finals promises to be an epic battle of wit as the four women duke it out to be the first female Survivor champion in five seasons.
Tyra Mail. This week the women began their challenge by getting behind the camera to take photos of judge Paulina Porizkova. Whitney and Fatima excelled while Dominique surprisingly seemed at a loss for words. Somehow Anya managed to get through the shoot despite having an accent that makes her sound like she's talking backwards.
The women were then shipped over to fellow judge Nigel Barker, who tried to capture the women as 1950’s glamorous movie stars trying to avoid the paparazzi. Again Anya did well, but over all, the girls struggled with the concept.
At panel, Tyra chastised the girls for not “bringing it” to the challenge and again demonstrated the difference between being a pretty girl and a top model with one of her so called “fierce looks”. Paulina said that Dominique looked like a beautiful transvestite and when the deliberations were through, they finally sent the old “trannie” home.
Adios!
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